You Can Sleep Now
by chezchuckles
Summary: a Dash Companion, fourth in the Sleep Series. Two chapters total. For the correct order of the stories in the Dash Universe, consult my profile page.
1. Chapter 1

**You Can Sleep Now**

* * *

a Dash Companion, fourth in the Sleep Series

* * *

for Sparklemouse  
happy (late) birthday  
I hope you find your way around Before and After

* * *

_I stopped those ghosts outside your door, Momma, _  
_don't worry 'bout those ghosts no more_  
_You can sleep now, go to sleep_  
_Tomorrow comes but it will keep_  
-Another Lullaby, Art Garfunkel

* * *

Kate wakes up first, like she always does, the soft filter of light through the wooden blinds attempting to touch her cheeks, paint her throat with the first lick of sunrise.

But this is not the usual morning.

She sighs softly, doesn't like the shape of the air in her lungs or the heaviness in her chest that accompanies it. Used to be that waking this early meant hot tea and her son's beautiful little face, the dark pride in his eyes and the curious and clever way he looked at the world.

But at seven years old, he wants only to watch television as long as he can and rush downstairs to shove eggs into his mouth before heading off for school. And even though kindergarten is enchanting their baby girl, her daughter has never been an early riser.

The mornings are lonely again, and usually that would be a chance for peace, and solitude, and finding the strength of her own rhythm.

But not today. Not this day.

When she turns her back on the sunlight, her eyes slowly open to the warm, solid body of her husband.

Kate curls her arms up into her chest, lightly traces her finger over her own lips, watching Castle sleep. The hair falls into his face, shading his eyes, but she can see the dark scruff along his jaw, his parted mouth. She knows every contour of that chin, has put her lips to the loose skin just there, above his neck where it meets his ear. She likes that spot where his beard won't grow, the sudden smoothness where all else is rough.

Her chapped lips are tingling with the trail of her own fingers and the sight of the man before her. Her body is heavy with the day she's been dreading ever since this day last year, when he made some offhanded comment about having been alive equal amounts on both sides of before and after. Before and After her mother's murder.

But today.

Nineteen on one.

Twenty on the other.

Kate closes her eyes and finds her breath again.

An arm slides around her shoulders gracelessly, a hot palm against the back of her neck, and she opens her eyes to find Castle sleepily blinking at her, his tongue pushed out against his lips before retreating.

"Hey," he gruffs, lets his eyes slide closed before his lashes part and he opens them again. "Kate."

"Hey."

Her slight hesitation is enough; he tugs her towards him so he can settle over her, heavy and warm, the long length of his body pressing hers down.

She sighs and wraps an arm around his neck, burrows her nose into the cave of him, lets all the wrong air out of her before taking in a small, quiet breath.

"You're gonna be okay," he mutters, half-asleep and nuzzling at her ear. "Promise."

She doesn't say anything to that, to his easy certainty or his ability to believe, but it helps, all of it helps. The weight of him anchoring her and pushing out all other thought but breathing, making it through the next fill of her lungs.

"Gotta tell me when to move," he mumbles. "Or I'll fall asleep on you."

"Okay," she says to both suggestions, feels his half-start of laughter as his arms tighten in at her sides and his body shifts down. He wriggles and she laughs at the sensation, breathless until he's draped mostly on one side of her, his head against her shoulder, his mouth at the slope of her chest.

"This is nice, yeah?" he says, fingers too graceless with sleep to be suave but trying anyway.

"It's good," she assures him, curling her arm up around his neck and stroking her fingers through the hair over his ear. She tilts her head and presses a kiss to his brow, taking a lopsided breath of him, deep as she can get it, and lets her other arm draw down his back.

"Sleep, Kate," he sighs out, already more than halfway there himself, apparently trying to hang on for her, stay with her, and it's sweet, but she might be okay now.

"I will," she promises him. "Stay like this and I will."

She feels the moment his mouth goes slack and his body releases into dreams, the weight over her somehow becomes twice as dense, deep and right, every contact between them holding her together.

She's not sure how she lived without him for all those years before-

Oh.

Twenty-eight on one.

Eleven on the other.

"Love you, Rick," she murmurs against him, too late for him to hear but not too late for him to know.

* * *

"I'm sorry," he murmurs. "I know you said you didn't want - but the kids. Dash knew it was your birthday."

She shrugs. "I - okay. I can deal."

He sighs, lifting up on an elbow to look at her; Kate's lying on her back in their bed, practically in the same spot he fell asleep on her, but actually. . .she does look like she can deal. Better than this morning, when she was breaking his heart with that desolate darkness to her eyes.

"He also thinks it's a special birthday because it's your last year of being in the thirties."

"He does, or you do?" she murmurs, a hint of a smile flashing quickly across her face. "Wonder who gave him that idea."

"I think it was Mother, actually," he answers, tries to keep his face neutral, but she sees right through it.

"Right. Your mother would never, in a million years, rat me out. Not about my age."

"You're not old yet."

She does laugh at that, her grin cracking wide. "Hm, I deserved that."

It's only what she told him in April when it was _his_ birthday, a good ten years older than her and startled to find himself almost fifty. Like a - like a - like her _father_ was in his fifties when they met, and that just-

"Don't go there. I don't need your melodrama on top of my own today," she mutters, shoving on his shoulder to topple him back into the mattress. She raises up over him, her hands at his chest for balance, and gives him a quick kiss on the mouth before rolling across his torso and out of bed.

"Acrobatic in your old age," he laughs, gets a backwards swat of her hand for that, the slap against his shoulder that he catches so he can reel her in.

"Castle."

"We took today off. Come back to bed."

"But the kids-"

"Dash will be huddled in front of the television and Cricket will sleep like the dead-"

"The dead don't sleep for me."

"Fair point. She'll sleep until I wake her up. So get back here."

"I want to shower."

"And _then_ crawl back into bed?" he insists, knowing that's not true. If she showers, they're up.

"No."

"Come on, come on, I wanna cuddle," he whines, half sitting up as she leans back against his grip, a tug of war over the bed. "You know you wanna."

"You're insatiable," she laughs, letting herself be dragged finally, tumbling back into him. Their hips bump, her elbow gets his ribs, his chin knocks into the crown of her head until he's dragging her over him and then nestling her back down in the still-warm sheets.

"I like to have you with me," he murmurs into the close space between their mouths. She's not even rolling her eyes, just grinning at him and curling her fingers at his neck, sliding her leg between his to get closer.

"I know you do, baby."

"Calling me names."

"You started it. If you can't take the heat. . ."

"Oh, I can take the Heat. I think I invented the Heat, if I'm not mistaken. The Heat and I-"

She pinches his ear with a huff and he grins back at her, smoothing his palm over her shoulder blade, reaching his fingers up into her hair. He scratches at her scalp and she hums, nuzzling just a little bit closer.

"So what are the kids doing?" she says finally, a lift of her beautiful lashes as she opens her eyes and looks at him.

"I managed to convince Dash no party."

"Oh, jeez."

"That means next year. . ."

"Fine." She says it flatly, her lips pressed tightly, but her body is too loose, too much at ease for him to even begin to think she isn't happy with that. She'll probably moan about it next year, but when it comes to it, one look at Dashiell's proud face, the way he puffs out his chest - yeah, she'll melt. She's a sucker for their son.

It's the Castle in him.

"Stop smirking," she mutters.

Her fingers are tracing lines at his jaw and he gives a quick kiss to those seeking tips, smiling around the knowledge that she's besotted, utterly, when it comes to their family. Just like he is.

"You're still smirking. It's entirely unattractive."

"Oh yeah, right," he laughs. "I swear, Kate Castle, half the arousal on either side of this thing starts right with those smirks. Mine or yours."

"Mostly mine. I get you every time."

And now she's smirking. He growls at her and shifts his knee higher, feels her cold toes dig into his calf in warning.

"Okay, so the kids wanted to plan the whole day around you - all the places you like. Know what Dash's first suggestion was?"

She's got that tender look on her face, a little adoration, a lot of sweet mess, and she tries to lift an eyebrow and act all cool, but she's totally not pulling it off.

"What?" she prompts.

"The aquarium. He said, 'Mom takes me all the time. It's her favorite.'" Castle chuckles at the horror flashing in her eyes and reassures her with a squeeze. "I talked him out of it. Reminded him that's really just one of his favorite places."

"Oh, good. I do _not_ want to chase after both of those hellions all day at the aquarium. Dash gets lost faster than - than. . .I don't know. What gets lost really fast? My brain is gone."

He laughs harder at that, shaking with it, curling his arm up to bring her hard against him in reward for that statement - goofy, natural, adorable Kate.

"I don't know. Gilligan?" he answers finally, picturing Dash at the helm of a sail boat, blatantly unaware and deliriously joyful about it.

"Gilligan. Sure. Faster than Gilligan. Oh darn, it's kinda lost all the punch now. Too bad. That was a good one."

"We make a great team," he says, trying to be serious, but failing. Failing. She's giggling across from him, rolling her eyes at herself, and they both move at the same time - Castle on his back and Kate curling up at his side, like it was planned from the beginning.

"So if not the aquarium, then where?"

"It's a surprise, Kate."

"Oh, come on-"

"No. I made a promise I wouldn't tell. They're excited."

"Not excited enough to get up," she grumbles.

"It's not _Christmas_," he laughs. "Just your birthday."

"Fine. Keep your secrets. Which - you know how weird that is, right? You keeping a secret from me at all. Ever."

"Shut up."

"I'm just saying."

"Hush now. I wanna see if I can get in another hour of sleep."

"And what am _I _supposed to do while you sleep?"

"Watch me."

She snorts.

"Don't deny it. I've caught you before."

"Whatever."

When he falls silent though, she curls a little tighter against him, and he knows he hasn't managed to banish all the dreariness from her day. Not yet. But he thinks the kids will. He's just got to wait for them to show up.

* * *

Kate grunts awake as bodies bounce on the bed, jostling her eyes open. Ellery is grinning so wide, her hair a tangled mess just past her shoulders, but she leans over her mother and gives her a kiss on the mouth.

"Momma, it's your birthday."

"It is? Really?"

Ella giggles and falls over between Kate and Rick, wriggling as she goes. Dashiell climbs up next to his mother's head, taps her on the cheek.

"Happy birthday, Mom."

She snakes an arm around him, wrestles him down against her as well. "Thanks, baby."

Dash likes to act all cool, but he sneaks in a snuggle before writhing away from her, sliding out of the bed again. Ella curls up at her side, long-limbed and too big for cuddling like a baby, but Kate doesn't mind her daughter trying.

She kisses her still-sweaty girl, brushes the hair back off Ellery's forehead. "Hey, my girl. Ready for breakfast?"

"We already made it!"

Only then does Kate realize that with all the bodies in the bed, there's one missing. Castle.

"Oh, you did?"

"Come on, Mom," Dash says loudly, holding out his hand and beckoning her from the side of the bed. "I'm starving."

She laughs, glad to hear it - that he knows he's starving at all still feels like a miracle sometimes. Just two years ago he was dissolving into a temper tantrum because he couldn't tell his body needed food.

"Sure thing. Get this girl off me first."

Dashiell grins wickedly and dives for his sister, grabbing her by the arm and leg and yanking even as Ellery shrieks.

"Whoa, whoa," Kate mutters, wrapping her fingers around his wrists tightly. "Soft touch, wild man."

Ella scowls fiercely at him and kicks out, but Kate hooks a leg around Ellery, smothering the girl's impulse with her body.

"Guys. Seriously. Cool it."

"Hey kids. Be good," Castle calls as he comes through the doorway. "It's Mom's birthday. Can it for today at least."

Kate pushes off the mattress and lets Ella go; she clambers off the bed and follows her brother to their father's side. Dash hides behind Castle, sticks his tongue out at her as she glowers in front of Rick.

"Ella," Kate warns quietly, sliding out of bed herself.

Her daughter turns narrowed eyes to her mother but relents at the look on Kate's face. "Momma, he-"

"Don't want to hear it," Kate mutters, waving them off. "Castle."

"Come on, you hooligans. Let's get everything set up for Mom and let her shower in peace."

"I can shower first?" Kate says, lifting her lips into a smile for him.

He grins back even as he herds the kids out.

"Thank you," she calls after him. He lifts his hand and follows after the kids.

* * *

Castle's got the kids at the table eating their breakfast when Kate emerges. She looks gorgeous, and he can smell her rich scent as she passes him - musk and flowers, warm and golden skin, hair curling darkly around her face and touching her shoulders, her hips narrow in those jeans-

"Stop staring at my ass," she murmurs as she heads for the table, lifting an eyebrow at him over her shoulder.

"Stop wearing jeans like that and maybe I'd have a chance-"

She bites her lip and her smile twitches; he totally knows what that's for - _I wish I could do things to you right now_. Yeah, he knows that look.

He hands her a plate and she scoops eggs from the bowl on the table, moves to the croissants and hums her approval as she takes two.

Castle nudges the warm honey butter her direction, liquified over the stove - a trick of Rafe's actually - and Kate takes it too, grinning at him. She sits between the kids because they had a fight over who Mom would sit by this morning, so Castle had to set her place in the middle. Which means he's looking at everyone across the table now, but it's kinda nice.

No one spilling milk in his lap over here.

Rex chooses that moment to stick his nose into Castle's elbow, a wet and cold touch that makes him yelp in surprise.

The kids crack up, Kate smirks at him, and he turns and feeds turkey bacon to the dog.

"Castle."

"Da-ad. I wanna feed my dog, too!"

"Oops," he mutters. "One piece, Dash." He pushes Rex off of him and nudges the dog towards his son; Rex goes easily, slinking under the table and coming up at Dashiell's feet.

Dash bends over and slips him another slice, a goofy look on his face as he does. Kate sighs and shakes her head, but lets it go.

"Okay, kids, eat up. Stop dallying. We got places to go," Castle says, circling his finger around the table and pointing at each of them. When he gets to Kate, she lifts an eyebrow at him, pulling apart her croissant as she eyes him.

"Oh yeah?"

"Oh yeah, Dad?" Ellery giggles.

"Hush your mouth," Kate says, elbowing her gently. "Only Mom gets to talk back to Dad."

Castle grins at her and they share a brief, hot look before going back to breakfast.

* * *

Rick finds Dashiell in his room getting dressed, apparently trying to decide between his black shirt with the plaid vest sewn into the front or his green t-shirt with the open dinosaur mouth.

"Go with the vest. Momma likes that one," he says, leaning against the door frame and crossing his arms over his chest.

Dash flushes and shoots him a glare, but he tugs the black shirt over his head. His dark green corduroy pants pick up the green in the faux vest, make his eyes appear faintly green as well.

"Another thing Mom likes?" Castle continues.

"What." Dash says grumpily.

"Mom really likes it when you don't fight with your sister."

"But she-"

"Dash."

The kid's nostrils flare but he drops it soon enough, slumping back to his bed as he shoves into his still-tied Chucks.

"Do your best, kiddo. I'm gonna have the same talk with Ella."

Dash nods roughly, but his face is kinda stiff, that look of pouting insult that Castle has seen in his own reflection before. Not attractive, as Kate says.

So he heads over to his son and grabs him by the shoulder, jiggles him a little so that his head bobs; a huff of breath, a suppressed grunt of a giggle, and then Dash is turning a scowling face up to his father.

"Yeah, don't ruin that perfect, terrible monster face by laughing. Not now."

Dashiell's scowl deepens but he's fighting hard to cover the involuntary smile. Castle keeps jiggling him, practically knocks him off the bed, the dog wagging his tail and getting into it too, nosing into Dash's armpit and snuffling at him.

Dash finally breaks down, giggling hard as he curls away from the dog, and Castle holds him up with a hand around his upper arm, keeps him steady until he gets his balance again.

"Yeah, you totally ruined it. Spoiled now. What am I gonna do with a giggling boy? No good to me."

Dash gasps on a final laugh and runs his fingers through his dog's fur, giving Castle a long, happy look. "I can be good."

"You are good. I just want you to try not to incite a riot."

"No riots," Dash swears. "Promise, Dad."

"Thanks, my man. You're a good brother, just sometimes. . .you let her get to you."

"She gets to me good."

Castle grins at him and ruffles the kid's hair roughly, making his head tilt back. He can see the silvery scar across his forehead from that time at the beach in Texas, falling in McDonalds, and he presses his thumb against it.

Dash shrugs him off and leans over to fix the back of his shoe, dislodging Castle's memory and his hand. He leaves the kid to get ready and heads for baby girl.

* * *

Ella skips and hops down the stairs after her brother, and Kate gives her a long look until she lifts her head and catches her mother's glare, stops playing on the steps. Castle is at the closet, pulling out jackets for the kids, and Kate passes them along.

"Dashiell, how handsome," she murmurs quietly, giving him his old-man suit jacket. No wonder Castle pulled this one out of the closet. "Looking sharp." She says it quietly enough that Ellery doesn't hear - the girl would tease mercilessly. Dash gives Kate a quick puff of pride and slides his arms into his jacket and then gives his mother a hug.

Ellery drags on her purple hoodie, her ever-present striped leggings and flouncy skirt peeking out of the bottom, and she heads for the door, reaching out to grab Castle's hand. Kate holds her smile close and nudges Dashiell ahead of her as they all leave the apartment.

In the elevator, Dash lets his sister push the button - a momentous occasion - must be Kate's birthday or something. She reaches down and squeezes the back of his neck in approval; he lifts his head to look at her, and she winks at him. He flushes with pride again, such a little man.

Castle huffs a laugh and Kate slides her eyes to his as the elevator doors open on the lobby. He's shaking his head at the kids, and she reaches out to take his hand, curling her fingers around his wide palm.

Dashiell heads out ahead of them, Ellery darting around him to go first, and Dash lets her.

"Look at that," Kate says, giving her husband a secret smile.

He wriggles his eyebrows. "Birthday miracle."

"Come on, Momma. We got a ways to go." Ella skips back to them and holds out her hand, so Kate takes it, Castle on her other side, and Dash glances at the three of them, a flicker of loneliness across his face that Kate doesn't like.

But Castle is already reaching for him, gripping the back of his neck like the kid needs, pulling Dash against his side, making their son huff like he doesn't want it.

"We're all coming. Right, Dash? First stop."

"First stop," Dash says with relish.

* * *

The American Museum of Natural History is beautiful, and Castle knows she's giving him a look for it, since it's not specifically her favorite - not after so many trips with Dashiell to see the dinosaurs. But he even as they go in the main entrance off Central Park West, he leads them to the right, bypassing the museum exhibits.

"Planetarium?" she asks, squeezing his hand, a smile gracing her lips.

"Planetarium!" Ellery says explosively and skips ahead towards the planetarium's dark interior.

"Actually, hey," Kate says suddenly, tugging on his hand to hold them back. "Can we go to the Rose Center first?"

"Yeah! The big planets! Yeah, Dad," Dashiell says excitedly. Ella turns at that, her hood spinning as she waits.

Castle grins at Kate; he knows she did that on purpose. Dashiell loves the huge planets inside the Rose Center, all the glass surrounding the massive display of their solar system.

"Yeah, let's go see the big planets first."

Ellery screws up her face to protest, but Castle points his finger at her and crooks it, quelling her with a look. She decides to be happy instead of pouty, comes racing back to them holding out her hand for his.

Castle takes it, and they all head outside for the Rose Center.

* * *

Kate sits beside Dashiell in the dark planetarium, their chairs tilted up towards the massive, alive night sky. As they wait for the show to begin, Kate turns to him and ruffles his hair.

"Hey, buddy. Did you get to do this with Dad last month?"

He turns and gives her a brilliant smile, bright even in the dark. "Yeah," he breathes out. "It's awesome, Mom."

"I bet it is." She knows the planetarium, the museum itself, was definitely Dashiell's choice for her birthday because he got to do the Night at the Museum for Halloween, his own birthday. She's heard about it ever since. "You had fun, huh?"

"It was crazy awesome." He turns his head back to the digital sky above them. "The mastodons and the huge planets and that whale. . .whoa. It's so massive and it hangs right over your head."

"I saw pictures on Dad's phone. Looked like a fun birthday."

"Yeah. That's why I knew you'd like it here."

She presses her lips together to keep from smiling too wide, reaches out to stroke her thumb over his temple, through his thick hair. The edges are curling at his neck, behind his ear, no matter how short they cut it.

Then the planetarium's nightsky illuminates with a soft glow, and the show begins to start. Dash ducks away from her touch, so she turns in her seat and looks back at the universe. The stars spread out before her, glittering pinpoints of light, and it's so much, so overwhelming that she has to lift her head and glance down the row at the rest of her family. Ella is sitting on Castle's lap, her fingers laced with his over her torso, and Castle chooses that moment to look over at her as well.

Their eyes meet and he shrugs, but she smiles and drapes her arm over the back of Dash's seat, rubs the edge of Castle's shoulder. He ducks his head to kiss her knuckles and she flexes her fingers, curls them at his jaw, rubs her thumb over his lips.

This is a good day.

This is just what she needed.


	2. Chapter 2

**You Can Sleep Now**

* * *

Castle sees her slow smile when they get off the subway; she's got to know where they're going. Kate slides her hand in his, the two of them walking side by side as the kids roam ahead of them. Dashiell keeps reaching out and snagging Ellery by the hood to keep her from darting away, while - in return - Ellery grips Dash by the shirt to prevent him from running into people, trash cans, the wall.

"They look after each other, even with all the fighting," Kate says softly.

He grins at the sight of them, bumping into each other, messing with each other, discovering things together. They have their own world. "Well, also - I threatened them both within an inch of their lives if they weren't on their best behavior."

Kate laughs, leans her head into his shoulder for a moment. "Well, thanks. Somehow I can't imagine you being the bad cop. But-"

"How insulting. Of course I can. I can be quite a ferocious bad cop."

She's laughing at him again, that soft and low chuckle that makes an answering smile appear on his lips. The kids wait for them at the base of the steps up to the street, Dashiell looking hunted, shoulders hunched up, but Ellery looks thrilled by the commotion of people.

"Guys ready for lunch?"

"Remy's!" Ellery yells out, unable to hold it in any longer. Dashiell shoots her a scalding look for blowing the secret, but Castle catches Kate winking at their son as if to say, _that's okay, Dash._

"Let's go to Remy's," Kate says, jiggling their hands between them. "I'm hungry."

* * *

Kate's not paying attention when the door to Remy's swings open; she's too busy catching Dashiell's arm to keep from running into the patron coming out. But Dash pulls away from her and reaches for the man.

"Papa!"

Kate startles and lifts her head to see her father holding the door open for them, a grin spreading wide across his face.

"Dad. Hi."

"Happy Birthday, Katie," he says, an arm slipping around her shoulders and a kiss on her cheek. "Come on in."

Castle herds the kids into Remy's ahead of her so she can embrace her father, relishing the contact. She shouldn't, but she's glad to have a moment alone with him. All to herself.

"Dad-"

"I know. I was worried today would be bad."

"It's not," she murmurs, giving him a smile. "It's actually been good. Very good."

"I'm glad, sweetheart."

"Where's Kelly?" she asks, hooking an arm through his and following him inside.

"With her son and his kids. I didn't know if you'd be okay today, so I came alone."

Kate sighs to herself. "I'm sorry for that. But Dad, I am okay."

"Good," he says softly. "Good. It's been a long time."

She bites her lip, but can't quite hold on to the grief, not when she can see her kids arguing over where they'll sit in the booth while Castle holds them apart from each other by the scruffs of their necks. The sadness is there, but not the dark pit; she doesn't know when it closed up, only that it did.

"It has been a long time," she says finally. "And I still miss her."

Her father pats her arm and says nothing, simply leads her to the table where her kids are wrestling over the ketchup bottle.

"Hey, guys. Calm down."

Ella twists in her seat and wriggles happily. "Sit with me, Mommy. Please?"

Kate glances to Dashiell but he's reaching for Papa. So they've reached a deal between them. "Sure thing. Scoot over, cricket."

Her face widens in a grin at the nickname and she cuddles up to her mother the moment Kate sits down. Her fingers tangle in Kate's hair, her body pressed close. "Mommy, can we get milkshakes?" she whispers.

Kate grins back. "Of course. You wanna share? I'll get mocha and you can get-

"Strawberry!" Ella giggles, throwing her arms around Kate's neck and kissing her cheek. "Yay! Dash, Dash, are you and Daddy gonna do it too?"

"Dad, can we-"

"Yeah, yeah," Castle laughs, sliding Dashiell across the seat and sitting with him. "Papa, you want to have milkshakes with us?"

"First? Before lunch?"

"Yup," Castle says, before Kate can disagree. "And something else."

At that moment, the waitress comes by their table, her tray burdened with a dark chocolate cake drizzled in raspberry sauce, with what have got to be thirty-nine individual candles crowded into it, burning madly.

"Happy Birthday, Kate."

She laughs, lifting her eyes to her husband as he grins at her, that delicious and lovely shine of playfulness.

"We're having dessert first, I suppose?"

"We are, we are!" Ella crows.

"We are," Castle agrees, smirking.

"If we must," she sighs, can't stop the spread of a smile on her lips.

"Mom, is it a special day?" Dash asks quietly. When she looks at him, her serious little boy, he's got the same pleased smile on his face that his father has, hopeful and curious.

"A pretty special day, my man. Thanks to you guys."

When she blows on the candles, none of them go out.

"Trick candles!" Ellery giggles hysterically. "We got you trick candles."

* * *

The five of them take the subway to Union Square, window shopping as they walk together. Jim stays at the back with Dashiell and calmly answers the boy's avid and continuous questions. Her father has always been good about that, Castle thinks. His reserve, his naturally subdued manner has been exactly what Dashiell needs.

Kate nudges him with her hip and he glances over at her.

"We just wandering?" she murmurs.

"No," he shakes his head. "Place in mind."

"Hm. I wonder-"

"No being a detective," he warns. "Just let it come."

"It's not like it's something I can turn off," she laughs at him. He winks and takes her hand, threads his fingers through hers and squeezes.

Ellery skips up between them, pushing through her parents to burst ahead on the sidewalk, her hair flying out behind her. Castle keeps an eye on her for a moment, and then turns back to Kate.

"You've probably already guessed."

She gives him a slow smile. "Yeah."

"Fine. What's your guess?"

"Forbidden Planet," she says easily.

From behind them, Dashiell makes a frustrated noise and runs up, also worming his way between them. "How'd you know?"

Kate dislodges Castle's hand to brush her fingers through Dash's hair. "I guessed. Are we going?"

"We are," Dash huffs. "You always figure it out."

"That's okay; it'll still be fun."

The kid's face lights up at that, his grin flourishing again. "Can we get something?"

"Maybe," Kate hedges, glancing up at Castle.

He shrugs. "We'll see. Mom gets something, because it's her birthday. But you already had yours."

"But Ellie?"

"Oh yeah, Christmas is coming up soon," Kate says. "So you guys should look for stuff you can add to your list."

Dash wrinkles his nose at that, but runs ahead of them to catch Ellery. Jim comes up on Kate's side and draws his arm around her shoulders.

"Know what Dashiell asked me just now?" Jim says, something of a chuckle in his voice.

Castle glances ahead to the kids, then back to her father. "Do I want to know?"

"You may not," Jim laughs.

"Uh-oh," Kate sighs, biting her bottom lip and sharing a look with Castle. "Tell us."

"He asked did it hurt to get really old?"

"Oh no," Kate groans.

"And when does it start, being old," Jim says, chuckling again.

"What did you tell him?" Castle asks.

"I told him some people are born old. And some never get old."

Kate sighs, poking her father in the ribs. "You know you can't say stuff like that to Dash. He takes it so literally."

"He did. He said he'd never seen any old babies."

Castle laughs at that, an image coming to mind of some Benjamin Button type tottering around in diapers, wrinkly and wizened. "Oh, I bet Dash was confused."

"I said that what I meant was you're only as old as you feel," Jim continues. "To which _he_ said, 'Papa, I feel ancient.'"

Kate startles, clapping a hand over her mouth as she lets out a surprised laugh. Castle grins at her, but glances ahead to his son again, his seven year old with the serious outlook but such a tender heart, and he thinks that's pretty great, actually.

"He's an old soul," Kate gives in. "Always has been."

But Jim is still laughing and shaking his head. "You haven't heard the best part."

"Oh?" Kate asks, and Castle realizes she's hooked her finger in his jacket pocket. He takes her hand and smiles at her, proud of this kid they've made, shaped, guided. Only seven, but his curiosity about the world, his hunger to know. . .it's awesome.

"Yeah. He said, 'I feel ancient. Maybe as old as Dad.'"

Castle groans dramatically, covers his eyes with his hand even as Kate laughs at his side.

"Dad?" he hears from ahead of him. Dash. "Dad, are you okay?"

Jeez. "I'm fine," he growls back. Kate's still laughing, harder now.

He sees Dash pause on the sidewalk, dislodging his sister's grip to wait for his father. His face is anxious. "Are you sure? Cause you sound like-"

Castle takes him by the back of the neck, keeps the kid moving forward. "I'm not _ancient_. And jeez, Dash, what about Papa? He's older than me."

"Hey now," Jim huffs back.

And now Kate is laughing so hard, she's actually _snorting_.

"Why's Mom laughing?"

"Mommy, what's so funny?" Ellery speaks up, coming back to their family now knotted up on the sidewalk. "You're crying? Daddy, why'd you make Momma cry?"

Castle throws up both hands in exasperation. "Are you kidding me?"

Kate turns shining, mirthful eyes on him, her grin so wide and open, still brushing back tears as she laughs.

"Poor baby," she chuckles, sliding both arms around his neck and coming up on her toes. She brushes a soft kiss to his mouth, so beautifully happy, and all his petulant indignation disappears like smoke at that look. "Castle, you-"

"Ew, kissy-face, kissy-face!"

"Not on the _sidewalk_," Dash groans. "Everyone can _see you._"

* * *

"I love this place," she whispers, biting her bottom lip to keep from kissing him again. They've found an alcove dedicated entirely to Iron Man, and she's been sneaking touches all through the store - her hip against his, the slide of their fingers, shoulder to shoulder, her palm at his waist, his chest at her back. Whatever she can get.

Castle grins back at her and doesn't seem to have that same need to rein it in; he leans closer and slants his lips over hers, slowly eases his tongue inside her mouth. She steps into him, feels his arm circle her waist, his other hand threading through her hair, cupping her jaw as he works his kiss.

When they drift away, that unspoken mutual agreement, his eyes are heavy and sharply blue. It makes her pulse kick.

"Aren't you glad I asked your dad to come with us now?"

"Definitely," she murmurs back. Forbidden Planet can be a terror with both kids; they have to touch and play with everything, want everything, _need_ everything. Please, Momma, can I have-

He touches her lips again with his own, the soft stroke of his finger over her cheekbone her undoing. Now all she wants to do is go home with him.

"Kate."

"Yeah?" she smiles, unable to look away. It's hit her suddenly today, like it hasn't in a while, how attractive he is, how much she wants him, how the brush of his hands over her skin makes her restless to have him.

"You're more beautiful at thirty-nine than you ever have been," he says softly, running his thumb over her bottom lip. "And I'm so proud of you."

She draws her arms around him and buries her face into his neck, horrified by the sudden rush of tears to the back of her eyes, overwhelmed by his words.

He holds her tightly, rubbing a hand up and down her back.

"Castle," she gets out finally, but can't manage anything else. She didn't know she needed to hear that, but she did. She did. After everything - her mother's case, and the Captain, and what they sacrificed-

"I know," he murmurs. "It took a lot to get here, Kate. But look at what we've made."

She nods into him, taking in a deep breath. "I have you to thank for it."

"Half of it," he says easily, breathing a kiss at her temple. "Only half of it. Partners."

Kate smiles at that, presses her lips against his skin in a soft kiss before stepping out of his arms, dry-eyed. "Of course. Partners."

He takes her hand and winks. "Come on. Let's get out of here. Robert Downey Jr is giving me the stink eye."

She grins, shifting her gaze to the life-sized Iron Man. "I don't know, Castle. He's kinda cute, and he's only a little more ancient than you."

* * *

"I think everyone should get t-shirts," Kate says.

Castle glances to the kids and even though Ellery looks mutinous, his glare is enough warning to muffle her protests. She's been going back to these plastic rabbits with potato head replaceable mouths, mooning over them.

But Rick has already slipped away and bought two for her stocking - a white bunny with a sticking out tongue, and a black bunny with a brown mustache. He wanted to get her the pink one with an ice cream cone stuck to its face, but Kate said that was too girly for their girl. She's right.

"T-shirts, huh?" Jim asks. "How about this one?"

Castle has to muffle a laugh as Jim holds up a green shirt with the Angry Hulk face.

Dashiell tilts his head. "Not really you, Papa."

"Yeah, well, I like it."

"Papa, Papa," Ellery calls out from farther down the aisle. "This is you. You're Captain America."

She tugs out a navy shirt with the iconic shield logo on its chest. Castle sees Jim's smile slowly lift and heads for Ella.

"How about you, Dash?" Kate asks.

"Ninja shirt. See? Cool. It's Bruce Lee."

"Very cool," she murmurs, still looking through the shirts herself. "How about you, Castle?"

He grins. "I don't know yet."

She giggles - man, this giggling has _got_ to stop or else he's gonna need some alone time with his wife - and soon.

"How about this one?" she says, holding up a light blue shirt.

"Dr. Manhattan?" he snorts.

"Brings out the blue in your eyes," she grins.

"He's cool, Dad. Plus he's a-"

"If you say _ancient_, you're gonna get smacked."

Dash giggles and darts away. "Ancient."

Castle takes a step towards him, glaring, and Dashiell runs off to laugh with Ellery. Kate is humming as she presses the tshirt against his chest.

"This one."

"Recycling your old lines?"

"If it ain't broke, don't fix it."

He grins and snakes a hand to her waist, wiggles his fingers in her back pocket. "Then I get to pick yours."

She narrows her eyes.

"Is it a deal?" he asks, dancing the blue Manhattan shirt in front of her eyes.

"Deal," she mutters.

* * *

She waits in line at the register with Ellery; the boys have gone off on their own to look for _the perfect shirt, Momma._

Kate cards her fingers through Ellery's hair, drawing it back from her face. Her blue eyes turn up to her mother and she curls a finger in Kate's belt loop.

"Mommy, I really do want those bunnies."

Kate has to press her lips together to keep from smiling. "I know, cricket. We'll see."

"I really do like them."

"I can tell, sweetheart." Kate rubs her thumb over the furrow in Ella's forehead. "Smile for me."

Ellery screws up her face, exaggerating the move. "How's that?"

"Ug. Terrible."

Ella's grimace dissolves into giggles and she dances away from Kate, heading for a display of superhero masks.

"I found it," she hears suddenly, his voice in her ear.

Kate turns around and Castle is holding up a plastic bag. "How'd you check out already?"

"The register back there," he motions. Dash is crowding between them, reaching out to grab her hand.

"Momma, it's the best. You're gonna love it."

"Can I see it?"

"Hey, you're next in line," her father says, nodding towards the register.

Kate turns and piles the other shirts up on the desk, letting the sales guy ring everything up. She added a Mace Windu figurine for Dash's stocking, evening it out, and she has to be careful to keep him from seeing it.

"Ella, get back here."

There's a confused mess as Kate pays, her father tries to wrangle the kids, and Castle is taking the stuff they bought and hiding the bunnies in the bag.

"Ooh, this is so cool," he says, pulling out the Star Wars toy.

"Hey," she mutters, elbowing him. "Not for you. Zip it."

He grins and glances to Dash. "Smart. I like it. Does it have the dice and game card?"

"Shh," she hushes, pushing him towards the doors. "Yes. Don't ruin the surprise."

"Okay, wanna see what I got you?"

"Yes. But I reserve the right to not wear it."

He follows her out onto the sidewalk and opens his plastic bag, shoves a hand inside as the kids surround him, eager to see the shirt as well.

Kate bites her lip and Castle pulls it out.

Navy blue, two hearts, a Tardis logo-

I heart-heart Doctor Who.

Kate laughs and reaches for it, traces her fingers over the double heart of the time lord, lifts her eyes to Castle - kinda her very own time lord.

"Brilliant."

* * *

She kisses her father good-bye on the subway platform, while Castle keeps the kids at heel as best he can. Dashiell is good at staying close, but he gets lost in the shuffle of commuters, easily overwhelmed, and Ellery, who might keep track of him and bring him back, is now often darting away to explore.

"No. Hey, back here," he calls, reaching out to snag Ella by the hood. "Stay."

"I'm not Rex."

"Close enough."

She sticks her tongue out at him and Kate turns just in time to see it apparently, because she chuffs at Ellery.

"Respect, Ellery Kate."

Ella curls her tongue back inside her mouth and lowers her eyes, but she's still got that stubborn set to her jaw.

"You guys ready to go?" he says. Dashiell reaches out and slides his arm through his father's, leans his head against Castle's elbow. "Yeah, someone's ready to get home."

"That's why I thought we might cut our day short," she murmurs.

"Papa caught his train," Ellery says. "Now it's our turn. Come on."

They let Ellery lead the way, Castle with Dash like a growth at his side, Kate steering them both through the crowd on the platform.

"Your dad-"

"He's good."

"And you?"

She kisses his cheek. "I'm good too."

* * *

They curl up on the couch, the whole family dog-piling together, warm and sweaty and lazy. Kate finds herself sandwiched between Castle and Ellery, with Dashiell in one corner of the couch and their feet in his lap. He keeps trying to tickle them, and then Ella squeals and kicks at him, and then they spend the next five minutes settling that fight.

But it's still nice. Castle keeps brushing her neck as she rests against his side, Ella wriggling in her arms. The television plays their Doctor Who marathon while the washing machine runs a load - their new shirts inside.

"How's the birthday girl?"

"Mm, sleepy," she murmurs, turning her head to kiss his fingers. His smile flickers; he strokes her cheek.

"Still have dinner."

"In or out?"

"Whatever you want."

"In. I just. . .I like being at home with you guys."

His smile fills in, grows wider, and his fingers tangle in her hair. "Next year. . ."

"I know." Big party. That will be fun too.

Castle kneads her neck muscles. "Your mom would be proud."

She sucks in a deep breath, nods slowly. "I know."

"But you miss her," he murmurs.

"Yeah."

"I wish she were here," he adds, then gives her a sheepish shrug as he hears himself say it. "I mean, just once. Just to see. Like all of us get in a police box and step out into 1998 or something. Surprise her."

Kate chews on her lip, half frowning at him, half laughing. He can be so sweet sometimes. "Castle."

"Because, just look at you. Kate. You're compassionate, loving and funny, a great mom and seriously intelligent-"

She presses her fingers over his mouth, smiling at him. "Thank you. But I think my mom knows. She's here - she's seen what we have."

He captures her hand, squeezes her fingers. "How can you. . .know that?"

"I have to think that a world in which all this is possible, in which this exists-" Kate brings their hands to his chest, strokes his sternum with her fingers. "You and me and our family. A world like this _has_ to also have my mother in it."

His eyes are seeking hers; she gives him all the confidence and certainty she has in that one gaze.

"She was taken from me, yes, but every time I've needed her, she's been here in one way or another. Through my father, through you and your books and all of it, through Ella and Dash. She's come; she's been right here with me. So I know she's seen, I know she knows. How could she not?"

Castle's grip around her fingers tightens. "Twenty years, Kate." She can see the black of shared grief in his eyes.

Kate leans in and kisses him softly, a bare brush of her mouth to his, giving light to the darkness. "Twenty years on this side of her death, but they haven't been twenty years alone. I've had you. And now them, our kids. You all make this a wonderful birthday."


End file.
